MIXED-MARRIAGE BETWEEN MUSLIMS
AND NON-MUSLIMS
One
of the problems faced by people especially the Muslims in this era of
globalization is the mixed-marriage and its consequence, not between two
different cultural backgrounds, but of two different religions. What is meant
by mixed-marriage here is between (a) non-Muslim males and Muslim females, and
(b) Muslim males and non-Muslim females, as follows:
- Non-Muslim Males and Muslim Females:
It is prohibited for a non-Muslim male
to marry a Muslim female. This is the unanimous opinion of Muslim scholars,
based on the following Qur’ānic verses:
1.
“…and
give not (your daughters) in marriage to mushrikīn [i.e., pagans, idolaters and
disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah, and His Messenger Muhammad s.a.w] till
they believe (worship Allah Alone)” Q. 2:221)
2.
“…and if you ascertain that they
are true believers send them not
back to the
disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers,nor are th
edisbelievers lawful (husbands) for them.” (Q. 60:10). Should this
marriage not be dissolved there would be danger of falling back to infidelity,
as husbands are generally strong in influencing their wives to their tradition,
religion and way of life, whereas wives have generally more tendency to follow and
obey their husbands.
3.
“…they [the idolaters] invite you
to the Fire, but Allah invites (you) to Paradise and forgiveness by His Leave…”
(Q. 2:221). Infidelity will definitely lead to Hellfire, whereas Allah calls
people to Islam which will lead them to Paradise and His forgiveness. Although
this verse mentions the idolaters (mushrikīn) which were the vast
majority of people in the early period of Islam, they include any kind of
infidelity, so that a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man.
4.
“…And never Will Allah grant to
the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers.” (Q. 4:141). As
Islamic law disallows the wilāyah (sovereignty, rule, close association,
allegiance, loyalty) of non-believers (including People of the Book, namely, the
Jews and the Christians) towards the believers in general, it includes
marriage.
B. Muslim
Males and Non-Muslim Females
Muslim males are allowed to marry
non-Muslim females exclusively among the Ahl al-Kitāb (the People of the
Book). They are the Jews and the Christians, based on the Qur’anic verse: “Lest you (pagan Arabs) should say,
‘The Book was sent down only to those sects before us (the Jews and the
Christians)…’” (Q. 6:156). The permission for Muslims to marry women among
the People of the Book is based on the following verse:
Made lawful
to you this day are al-t.ayyibāt
[all kinds ofhalal (lawful) food, which Allah has made lawful (meat of slaughtered
eatable animals, milk products, fats, vegetables and fruits). The food slaughtered
cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians)
is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are
the chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians)
before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the
husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e., taking
them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them
as girl friends… (Q. 5:5).
In this verse Allah gives permission to
marry chaste women among Muslims as well as among the Jews and the Christians,
as chastity is an important factor for the success of harmonious married life.
The permission for Muslim males to marry Jewish and
Christian women (who are not hostile but friendly to Islam) is that both
Judaism and Christianity have many things in common with Islam. Both also
belong to revealed religions, they believe in one God, angels, prophets sent by
Allah to guide human beings, the Scriptures as well as the Last Day. Because of
this similarity it would not be difficult for these wives to convert to their
husbands’ religion, Islam. Moreover, they would feel comfortable that some of
their faiths are shared with those of their husbands. The case would be
different if their husbands were non-Muslims and did not share the beliefs of
their wives.
There are many examples in Islamic
history where Muslims married Jews and Christians, among which are ‘Uthmān ibn
‘Affān r.a. married Nā’ilah bint al-Farāfis.ah,
a Christian who converted to Islam at his presence, and H.udhayfah
r.a. who married a Jewish woman from Madā’in (Ctesiphon, former capital
of the Persian Empire).
Although it is permitted in Islam for a Muslim to
marry a friendly Jewish or Christian woman this act is not recommended, but makrūh
(reprehensible), according to H.anafī and
Shāfi‘ī schools, and in one view, also Mālikī school. The H.anbalī school considers it an act of
disregarding what it preferable, namely, marrying Muslim women. It is because
‘Umar r.a. told those who married
women among the People of the Book (Jews and Christians) to divorce them and
they did except H.udhayfah r.a.
When ‘Umar r.a. told him to divorce his Jewish wife, he asked:
Do you bear witness that she is h.arām (unlawful) to marry?”
“No,” said ‘Umar, “but she is khamrah
(‘intoxicant, wine’), divorce her!”
What ‘Umar meant is that these Jewish
and Christian wives, because of their beauty, temptation, persuasion, nice
words, like an intoxicant, you could lose your sound judgment, and forget the
time for prayer and other religious obligations. It is said, لَوْ
لًَا النِّسَاءُ لَعُبِدَ اللهُ حَقٍّا حَقًّا “if it were not for women, Allah would have been worshiped
very truly.” Some people “worship” women because of their beauty. Here lies the danger of “Love at first sight”
for people who cannot control their emotion.
H.udhayfah repeated the same question, and ‘Umar
repeated the same answer. Finally he said to ‘Umar: “I know that it is
‘intoxicant’, but she is h.alāl for
me.” However, eventually, he divorced her. When he was asked whether he did so
because of his obeying ‘Umar, he said: “I do not like people seeing me doing
what I should not do.”
In another report ‘Umar sent a letter to H.udhayfah asking him to divorce he
wife, so that the Muslims would not follow his example and marry beautiful
Jewish and Christian women rather than Muslim women. In fact, this
mixed-marriage is harmful to the Muslims. Unless a Muslim has become so
attracted, so attached, to this kind of woman that he “can no longer live
without her”, like what we used to hear “love is blind”, that “she has blinded
his mind”, then he is allowed to marry her with the consequence that he might
eventually lose his faith in Islam.
After marriage and the honey-moon, there
might be another story. Can you stop your Christian wife from drinking alcohol
and eating pork? They are all “h.alāl” in
her religion. Can you be close to her when the smell of alcohol is still in her
mouth? If you try to stop her, in retaliation, she might stop you from praying
and fasting. This means mutual interference with each other’s religion. If you
have children, the children will be confused, either to follow his father’s
religion or his mother’s, or both, namely, on Friday they go to the mosque, but
on Sunday they go to church. Raising our children in Islamic way in this
Christian environment is difficult enough, let alone having a Christian family
in the house.
It would be much safer for our marriage to have a wife
of the same religion of Islam although with different tradition, nationality
and cultural background rather than a wife of the same ethnic and cultural
background but with different religion. Having the same religion means having
the same way of life, and other differences are minor ones and can be
compromised. You could raise your children in Islamic way because they can
learn from you, as Muslim parents, and you both are their earliest teachers. As
husband and wife you have the chance to learn and appreciate each other’s
culture, language and tradition, and this will broaden your mind. You will
start appreciating and enjoying various foods: Middle-Eastern falafel,
Indian tandooree, Malay-Indonesian satay, etc., depending
on your background. The most important thing is that both of you are taking the
same way to Allah’s pleasure and eventually to Paradise.
Here are
some examples of the danger of Muslims marrying non-Muslims of the “people of
the Book.” Emmanuel Manoppo, the only son of the head of the Indonesian Council
of Churches who converted to Islam in the early 1990s and changed his name to
“Effendi Hadi Rais” said that one of the activities of the Christian missionary
in Indonesia was to instruct their youth to have influence upon Muslim girls.
He said that in order to marry these girls they often pretended to be Muslims.
After they had children they forced their wives to follow them to become
Christians. He said that the Indonesian Council of Churches received funds from
within the country as well as from abroad, especially Italy, Vatican,
Australia, the USA and Germany.
Some years ago, a Muslim passed away, and the funeral
prayer was conducted in the mosque, but none of his children attended the
prayer. They and their mother waited outside the mosque, because they were all
Christians, although they belonged to the same country of origin.
Long time ago, in the early 1980s, a man
passed away in Edmonton, Canada. He had married to a Christian Canadian woman.
When his friends tried to wash, conduct the funeral prayer and to bury his body
in the Islamic way, his wife refused to give them his body. He was then buried
in un-Islamic way. They found out later that while he was admitted to the
hospital he had filled the form stating that he had no religion. He might have
been ashamed to claim to be Muslim at that time being among the vast majority
of Christians.
A
Muslim friend was married to his Christian cousin. She was a daughter of a
Catholic priest who had several children. One of them became Muslim, the
youngest son who was regarded as strange, for being the only Muslim in the
family. As my friend’s wife was a strong Catholic, following in her father’s
footsteps, their two sons also became Catholic. This made me very sad, but
guidance is only from Allah Alone.
Marrying
a non-Muslim girl among the people of the Book (Jewish and Christians) is
tantamount to depriving a Muslim girl from having one chance to get married, as
she is not allowed to marry except a Muslim boy. She can only choose one among
Muslim men who choose her. We have many unmarried girls in the Muslim world,
and their number is much higher than that of Muslim boys. Moreover, there are
many Muslim widows as victims of conflicts. We know that the majority of
refugees in the world are Muslims, and the majority of people who are involved
and die in these conflicts are Muslim males. (MAS)
No comments:
Post a Comment